2003-01-10 6:17 p.m.
So I said good-bye to my family this morning. I am the type of person that will not show emotion in situations like these. I will be hurting inside but feel I have to be strong for others. When my mom died I never cried in front of anyone, and to this day I never have. To be honest, call me crazy, I didn�t think I would be upset. When I stopped by their stark empty house last night and my 4 year old brother runs out to hug me and has no idea that he won�t be seeing me for a long time, I didn�t cry. This morning when my dad told me how upset my mom was (step mom to clear up any confusion) and that she cried all night, I didn�t cry. When my mother hugged John and told her to take care of her daughter, I didn�t cry. Only when I was in the privacy of my car and with John last night did I actually cry and admit not only to him, but also to myself that I was upset. I am not even sure how to express how I feel. I can�t pinpoint where my sadness is really coming from. I�m angry. I get angry with myself when I get sad, when I get so sad that I cry. I hate being put in those situations where you cry so hard and there isn�t a damn thing that you can do about it. I�m am so confused with myself right now, up until last night did it sink in, I don�t know if I was trying to ignore my emotions like I always, always do. There isn�t really much more I can say.
- - August 14, 2004
- - June 02, 2004
Cheer - March 08, 2004
It's Not a Tumor... - February 26, 2004
I need a doctor - February 22, 2004
