October 09, 2003 11:33 a.m.
I'm fucking pissed off right now.
Well "pissed off" may not be the right term.. more like upset.
I cried all day yesterday, stopping only to go to my Ethics class (though so boring I felt like crying)... why you ask? Because I suck.
When I left my old job and the boss from hell I was relieved, I had two jobs that wanted to hire me and I actually had my choice of which one to choose... one, a "office manager" that claimed to want my imput on important things and being a part of something, the other a retail clothing store assistant manager. I went against my better judgement and chose the first one.
I am not happy once again...
My boss thinks I am a fucking idiot, he constantly says everything I do, from emailing someone, to putting a fucking address label on a UPS thing is wrong. When the truth is he can't slow down for 5 seconds to see that I am right, but I don't say anything... whats the point? He gives awful directions on how to do things and wonders why things don't come out the way he'd like. All I do everyday is sit by the printer and print things out of publisher for him. THATS IT. I fell for the bullshit when he wanted to hire me that my opinion would actually be valid and I would be such a big help here. I'm a printer jockey.
As it stands this wonderful job I have attained, I can't work a lot of hours so I'm not making any money. I have
60$ to last me two weeks. I can't even go to the store and buy something if I wanted to, and I'm not used to that.
I have no insurance, oh yes I could get it, but I can't afford it. My tooth hurts whenever I drink something and I can't go get it fixed. I'm a germ factory, sick all the time and I'm constantly worried I'm going to get really sick or break something and I am straight SOL.
What kind of an adult am I? I managed to get an even shitter job than the one I had before, working for someone who I don't like in the slightest and on top of it all, I have nothing to show for it.
I watch my boyfriend go to work everyday and his wonderful job, and wonder if he realizes how good he's got it. He gets paid a lot, gets free insurance and they care about him... he came home yesterday with a mug full of candy they had given him. I can count once that a boss has ever given me a thing. I wasn't good enough to work there, I tried twice and they wouldn't give me a chance. "Oh well they don't hire boyfriends/girlfriends like that" Of course!! Because the fact that I may sleep with one person out of the 200 there may mean I will do a bad job. He works with FUCKING MORONS... they are good enough, people who are late everday, who can't type, who write emails bad mouthing their boss and ACTUALLY send it to their boss. What is wrong with me? Why did I bust my ass to be smart and do good in school? To sit for 6 hours zoning out while a printer works up my only task for the day. It's just not fucking fair.
I sat and I cried for awhile yesterday.... for everything, for how shitty and depressed I'm starting to feel.
There isn't a damn thing I can do about it either, I can't make someone hire me, make them see how good of a job I would do, that I wouldn't quit or walk out like the rest of your employees, but they don't ask those questions in interviews...
So here I sit....
- - August 14, 2004
- - June 02, 2004
Cheer - March 08, 2004
It's Not a Tumor... - February 26, 2004
I need a doctor - February 22, 2004
